I write this on hour 11 of my sleeper bus from Prayagraj → Rishikesh, having just left the Maha Kumbh Mela.
The Kumbh was…a lot.
Like…a lot, a lot.
On the day we arrived, it was estimated that 55 million people were there. For perspective, that’s like New York City being 6.5 times as crowded as it currently is. And, let me tell you, it absolutely felt that packed. 😂
From my angle, the Kumbh was a non-stop, all-out spiritual sprint, but without the reverence for nature (not a tree or bush within 3km of our camp), care for the body (low-quality foods), or authentic devotion (people seemingly reciting mantras just to get them over with).
I honestly don’t know how anyone manages to stay for more than a week, let alone the full month. My body basically shut down on day three with intense coughing fits, fever, headache, and body pains. The air quality was so drastically poor that I could not smell someone blowing cigarette smoke directly into my face.
Tragically, about 60 attendees died and 200+ were injured during a mindless stampede to bathe in the Ganges. Such a shame. It reminds me of Christians who decidedly pay money to the church in a blind attempt to absolve their sins; many Hindu devotees appear just to be “paying lip service” to the Divine — i.e. bathing in the Ganges out of superstition — without actually doing the inner spiritual work of honest surrender and selfless service.
One guru at the Kumbh put it like this: “may we all understand that true purification comes from bathing in the river of Ganga within, not the Ganga without.”
Zooming out, my experience in India has been the single-most mind expanding venture to date. The endless poverty; the rich history; the noise; their vast way of life. It’s too much for me to fully comprehend or speak to right now, if I’m being honest.
My perspective, of course, is fully shaped by the fact that I am white and thus subject to both severe prejudice and special treatment. Thousands of eyes follow me everywhere, and when I dare make eye contact back, I am immediately bombarded with questions, requests and offers. Indians dart out of nowhere with their phones, forcefully inserting themselves: “Sir… selfie!? Selfie, sir!?” I often say yes, knowing that — for whatever reason — my skin tone and culture are important to them. But inwardly, I don’t understand why it’s such a big deal. Can’t they see that I am no different from them?
(Side note: I now feel for celebrities who are constantly bombarded and interrupted by fans, or for people of color who feel out of place, or for women who are catcalled, seen as just a body and not a soul, or for zoo animals who just want to go home.)
To continue this rant for another moment, it’s no exaggeration to say that maybe 10% of my plans have gone smoothly. From trying to buy a plug converter to getting kicked out of various housing to missing buses and trains to everything taking three times longer than expected—getting things done is much clunkier and more challenging than I’m used to. (The perfect training ground for practicing adaptability, flow, and unwavering optimism!)
All in all, my saving grace has been returning to the thought of God. In the West, things can be willed into being quite easily, even when it’s not in my best interest — like using force to paddle upstream on a river. In India, however, I must let my body go limp as huge waves carry me into unknown territory, surrendering all illusions of control, praying deeply for safety, peace and understanding.
Thank you to my brother Quentin for these three amazing shots!
Anyways, my nervous system has been running in fight-or-flight mode for well over a week, so now it’s time to rest and integrate. Rishikesh is cooler and quieter, surrounded by nature and hiking, so I am sure of brighter days ahead.
I hope you enjoy this week’s {Body} • {Mind} • {Soul} newsletter and have a beautiful Sunday, -Ethan ॐ
P.S. I've been traveling with my dear sister Gabriella. Together, we've been synchronizing our plans and dreams for our yoga retreat happening in Portugal. Here's a little gif of the two of us clowning around in Varanasi.
Laughing because, well, India is kicking our butts 😆
In yoga, koshas are the five layers (or sheaths) of your being, progressing from the physical to the intangible and increasingly subtle.
The anandamaya kosha, or “bliss sheath,” is the fifth and “innermost” layer of this nested self. It is the essence of joy itself — the unchanging peace that lies beneath all change. Unlike the fleeting happiness tied to external circumstances, the anandamaya kosha is the wellspring of bliss that arises from “I am”.
If the annamaya kosha is your hardware, and the prānamaya kosha is the electricity that powers it, then the manomaya kosha is your software, and the jnānamaya kosha is that which knows how to use the system. The anandamaya kosha – on the other hand – is the space from which the computer emerges from and exists in.
The anandamaya kosha is the experience of unity itself. It’s the deep contentment and fulfillment that comes when you transcend the ego and dissolve into pure Being. This sheath isn’t something you cultivate or learn to control — it’s your natural state, always present beneath the layers of the physical body, energy, mind, and intuition.
By merely contemplating your present experience, you can gain a clearer understanding of this level of reality. What you’re looking at right now is a computer (or phone) with voltage running through it, software that allows you to interface with its transistors, and a basic intuition for how to use its operating system.
All that’s missing here is context. Where is this experience happening? Notice the space within and around your device. An entire Universe infiltrates and surrounds this machine; it does not exist in isolation.
Same thing with you, me, and everyone else. We are all, deep down, a bottomless void of ecstasy.
Practice
While you can’t “force” your way to the bliss sheath, practices like meditation, gratitude, and surrender to God (ishvarapranidhana) help you peel back the layers that obscure it.
Letting go of all striving and concepts, simply rest behind awareness and the joy of the anandamaya kosha shines through.
During his life, the Buddha outlined various obstacles, stages, and revelations encountered on the Path to enlightenment.
In one of his well-known teachings, he describes “the Five Hindrances” — mental obstructions that block the development of one’s meditation practice, a crucial vehicle for attaining enlightenment.
The fifth and final hindrance is known as Vicikicchā, or doubt.
Unlike the other hindrances (craving, aversion, sloth, restlessness) Vicikicchā is insidious, barely visible, so subtle as to be dangerous. The doubt likes to disguise itself as reason and logic. It whispers questions like::
“Am I doing this right? Nothing seems to be happening.”
“Does meditation even work? Maybe I’m the exception.”
“Is this really true, or am I just wasting my time again?”
It’s the voice of skepticism, pulling you away from your practice by making you second-guess everything — the teachings, the teacher, and your own capability.
Left unchecked, it becomes a loop of endless uncertainty, keeping you stuck and unable to fully commit to your journey or practice.
The Buddha taught that the antidote to Vicikicchā is faith. Not blind belief, but confidence rooted in experience. You don’t overcome doubt by force; you overcome it through understanding and direct insight.
Here are a few ways to work with Vicikicchā:
Start small. Build faith by reflecting on your past successes, however small. These were brief moments when you felt your practice generated clarity, peace, or space.
Seek guidance. Talk to a trusted teacher or experienced practitioner to clarify doubts and receive encouragement.
Patience, patience, patience. Doubt very often stems from wanting immediate results. Relax. Progress unfolds over time and rarely looks the way you expect.
"The most important decision we make is whether to believe that we live in a friendly or hostile universe." – Edith Eva Eger
Does God really love you? Or is that just a sentimental idea born of a mind grasping for meaning in a random, indifferent, and clueless Universe?
Well, considering you are part of the Universe (God) and not separate from It, clearly It is at least as intelligent and alive as you are.
And considering that I, too, am part of the Universe (God) and not separate from It, clearly It is at least as intelligent and alive as both of us combined.
And considering the 10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000+ individual animals on this planet are also part of the Universe (God), clearly It is at least as intelligent and alive as all of us put together.
But maybe It is more intelligent and alive than even that!? And maybe the more intelligent and alive a system is, the more compassionate and friendly it tends towards?
Or, in other words, perhaps the mere fact that you care about others automatically implies that the Universe — God, Creator, Source — also cares about you (because, again, you are of the whole, and thus wholly reflect Its characteristics).
But then again, maybe not…
Few things are more consequential than your opinion on this topic — whether or not you believe the Universe is looking out for you — because your answer will determine your outlook on whatever happens to you.