Nearing the end of my Berlin stay now, and I must say...it's been a real challenge. With back-to-back cleanses and a whole lot of time spent reading David Hawkins (specifically this book) – a lot of ego death has been experienced.
Ego death – if you're unfamiliar – is the both terrifying and beatific experience that follows the sudden revelation: 'I am not who I think I am.'
Right before it happens, thoughts begin dissolving mid-sentence, and everything they reference – me – is seen as totally fraudulent. It's an absolute skepticism of every thought that introduces itself as 'I': "I want a slice of pizza," "I wonder if that bird knows I'm watching it," "You've got to be kidding me, I never said that!"
The aftertaste of recognizing this counterfeit 'I' is like having the floor drop out below me. It's an open-air-falling where panic momentarily arises, followed by authentic tears and feelings of pure grace.
The whole thing would be much more destabilizing were it not for reading many books describing others undergoing something similar. There is sincere gratitude towards the courageous Seekers who have lit the path.
Greece is up next, followed by a month-long spontaneous trip around the coast of Italy, France, Spain, and then – eventually – Portugal for my yoga retreat. The plan is to Couchsurf along the way, following my intuition wherever it may lead.
Anyways...I hope you enjoy this week's {Body} • {Mind} • {Soul} Newsletter and have a beautiful Sunday, - Ethan ॐ
Ethan Hill Owner, Yoga with Ethan
Cravings during a cleanse
When you embark on any kind of cleanse or make significant dietary changes, you might experience a puzzling phenomenon: you temporarily feel worse. This isn't a sign of failure — it's actually evidence of success as your body undergoes what's known as "viral die-off."
Your body is home to countless pathogens — viruses and unproductive bacteria that have established comfortable residences throughout your organs and tissue. These unwelcome guests thrive on eggs, gluten, corn, soy and dairy products. When you suddenly remove these foods, something remarkable happens:
"When we withhold troublemaker foods, viruses and unproductive bacteria begin to starve. Because they're not getting the foods they want, these pathogens start to excrete signal chemicals. The chemicals can then enter our brain and stimulate hunger messaging receptors, triggering us to want those very foods." [Cleanse to Heal]
Said differently, viruses can override the host’s desires, essentially hijacking neurological pathways to ensure they are continued being fed. This creates powerful cravings for the exact food(s) that sustain the pathogens, leaving us to wonder if that intense desire for scrambled eggs, soda (with its high-fructose corn syrup), soy sauce, and mac-and-cheese is actually our own, or a biological manipulation orchestrated by microscopic invaders fighting for their survival.
As these microorganisms start dying off, they release stored toxins — neurotoxins and dermatoxins — that they've been accumulating throughout their lifecycle. This mass release of toxins into your bloodstream is what creates those uncomfortable "healing reactions" you might experience during cleansing.
Interestingly, these dying pathogens don't just release physical toxins — they also release emotional information. That is, viruses can carry energetic data from previous hosts and your own experiences. This also explains why cleanses sometimes trigger unexpected emotional releases or memories as these stored patterns leave your system.
Practice Step-by-step instructions to turn theory into healing.
So tell me what you want, what you really, really want
Last week we explored how attachment entangles us because it holds what we falsely believe is our very essence. Now we’ll examine another misguided fear: the belief that letting go will result in us not getting what we want.
The logic seems straightforward at first: "My single-minded focus on getting the thing is the very force that manifests the thing. Therefore, letting go of the attachment to it would mean abandoning the essential power that would bring the desire into being. So I must — for the very sake of getting what I want — hold onto this attachment, no matter how miserable it could make me."
The reasoning is sound, minus two critical defects:
Everything† we say we want is actually just projection of the ego’s conditioning via karma, genetics, upbringings, life circumstances, and so on. Therefore, it’s not what the soul really wants.
True power — the kind that causes brilliant, unwavering focus on attaining a goal — does not come from attachment. It comes from alignment and surrender. This makes attachment an unnecessary ingredient in the manifesting of one’s reality.
Pieced together, the picture is uncompromisingly obvious: To release your attachments doesn’t always mean you won’t get the objects of your ego’s desire; it simply means you get off the treadmill of misery that precludes you from getting what you really want.
† The single, rare exception is the honest desire for Truth/God/Love/Peace. In the final analysis, that is what all of us truly seek.
Meditate Bite-sized audios to help you become the master of your mind.
“There isn’t a formula or recipe — you learn to love by loving.” — Aldous Huxley
“Top 10 BIGGEST mistakes beginners make at the gym.” “Foolproof steps to earn a six-figure passive income.” “The best way to manifest a partner.”
Despite living in a digital world overflowing with practical advice and formulas for generating material success, they are useless in bringing us closer to what we actually yearn for.
A child doesn’t learn love by memorizing attachment theory. They learn in the actual moment of being held, reaching out, testing boundaries and returning to safety — through the thousands of tiny, irreducible interactions that collectively say: you matter, you belong, you are seen.
Similarly, compassion is not cultivated by reciting spiritual maxims. It is cultivated by physically sitting with someone in their suffering when every part of you wants to run. It happens when you try to forgive, even when it seems impossible.
Put down the manual. Close the tutorial. The wisdom isn’t hidden in someone else’s words — it’s waiting in the courageous decision to be what you seek.
Journal Contemplative questions on the nature of inner freedom.